39 Birthday goals...

Yesterday was my birthday, and it was a wonderfully simple day.  I turned 39. 
And it might sound silly, but I am actually looking forward to being 40!  Not that I want the year to fly by, but somehow I feel like I am ready for whatever "40" means...  There was nothing out of the ordinary or extra-special yesterday, but it was just a nice day...  Lucia woke up in a good mood (which is worth her weight in gold to me lately), Liam greeted me with a huge-mostly-toothless-grin and drooly kiss, and Dennis had piping hot, fresh coffee waiting... doesn't start much better!  Last Friday night, Dennis and I went to dinner and a show with some friends which was our gift to each other (his birthday is the day before mine) and with Christmas just around the corner, we decided that was enough...

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I was thinking about what my goal should be for the next year... I had put out before, that I wanted to run 40 miles before I turned 40... I'm not so sure that I am interested in that anymore...  could I do it?  Sure... but I think I need something that I could be more excited and focused on.  And so, I've decided that my goal is to lose about 40 more pounds before I get to 40.  It is acheivable?  Yup... with focus, some running (!), etc...  And reaching that would put me right around 178...  which would be great!  I have 20 more to lose to get to my "pre-Liam" weight, and then with another 20 past that I would really be thrilled.

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So there is my challenge to myself... 

40 pounds in 52 weeks. 

Game on!

Thank-FULL !!!

I have to keep reminding myself, that even when life isn't so good, it REALLY IS GOOD... And I have so many things to be thankful for... Even though there have been a few rough days this last week or so, I wanted to make sure I reminded myself of all the good in my (and my family's) life:

My family who sticks together

A family who loves and supports me

Friends who are like family to us

Health

My husband and babies

Having a job I love

A roof over my head

Food on the table

My lapband being a tool that has helped me get healthy

The ability to give back to others

Teaching my children how to treat others

Standing up for what is important

It is good for me to keep putting into perspective, that the few small things that we have in our life that may not be positive, are still manageable... And that we are choosing to address them in the best way for our family... Happy Thanksgiving - I certainly have a lot to be thankful for!!!

What a WEEK!!! Mega Thanksgivings...

Ugh... drama is never fun, but for the first time in a long time, I've stood up for myself... our FAMILY has stood up for itself... and we are moving on, together, the four of us as a solid unit.

Saddening in many ways, frustrating and absolutely excruciating and crazy-ridiculous-shake-your-head-in-disbelief others... but we know we are solid in where we stand, and we are together.  TOGETHER.

Heading into the Thanksgiving holiday as a unit, and I can't think of ANYTHING I could be more grateful for.  My family, especially my husband, just rocks.  And our family and friends who have stood by us throughout are even more wonderful.

Happy Thanksgiving ya'll...

1001 Days ago I made an easy choice...

I've officially been banded for 1001 days!  Hard to believe... And by far, it is the (second) best decision I've made in my life (first was marrying Dennis)!!!

At my highest OFFICIAL weight I was in the high 280's... realistically, I know I got over 300 at one point without being pregnant... I just never weighed myself then.  Didn't want to admit where I'd gotten.   I lost over 80 pounds with the band before having Liam, and am now back down to 219 post-baby and the band is continuing to help me get where I need to be...  I just last week took some of my old plus size clothes to Goodwill that I found in a corner of the attic... Opening that box was sobering.  At my biggest, I wore a size 28 pants (which were tight) and 24 shirt.  Now I am in 16-18 pants but have been as low as 14 (pre-Liam)... and I am currently wearing XL shirts comfortably (the Large are a bit snug), but was down to Mediums and Larges before Liam...  I even have a small in my closet that fit and looked reasonable!

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I have so many thoughts running through my head right now about the band, about how my life has changed since Feb 20, 2009, about life in general... and unfortunately with a crazy week personally, I have not had a ton of time to write those thoughts (at least the band ones) in a lot of detail.  I promise I will do that soon...

BUT... for all of you out there who are newly banded, or in the research stage, please know that making a choice (whatever choice you make that is right for you) to become healthy and lose weight is a great one!

I've made the comment before when an occasional snippy person says I took the easy way out that, yes, it WAS an easy choice.  Choosing to live vs. dying young from something weight related was definitely easy...

• The choice to be able to run and play with my child(ren) made it easy.
• The choice to fit into non plus-size (mostly) clothes made it easy.
• The choice to live longer with my amazing husband and family made it easy.
• The choice to lower my cholesterol and not get diabetes was easy.
• The choice to not have my heels crack because of the weight was easy.
• The choice to learn how to integrate exercise into my life for MY wellbeing made it easy.
• The choice to ride on the swings at an amusement park made it easy.
• So many other experiences I've had in the last 1000 days made it easy...

There are SO MANY REASONS for me personally why being banded was an easy choice.  

But let me be clear... While the choice to live was an easy one, getting banded is NOT an easy way out.  

I live the choice every day when I want to eat pasta or rice and can't.  

I live the choice every day when I don't lose weight because I choose a slider food.  

I live the choice every day when I try to figure out how to cook for a family around my needs and theirs.

I live the choice every day when I don't lose weight because I am too lazy to get my butt moving and exercising.

I live the choice every day and try to decide whether or not to offer my story to others who might need it.

So, let's rock another 1000 days with this awesome tool, and see where the continuing journey takes me...  1001 days.  Awesome.

This is not a band post. This is a life post.

When does enough become enough?  How much abuse, nastiness, negativity, selfishness or angst should one have to be a recipient of or privy too before it is okay to decide not to subject yourself or your family to it anymore?  I have forgiven, and tried to forget, for many years… but at a certain point, I am just not willing to be someone’s verbal punching bag anymore. 

I’m tired.  I have an absolutely amazing life that we have worked hard for and damn it, I am not going to throw it away to try to appease someone who is so clearly unhappy and insecure with their life.  I have an amazing husband, children, parents, friends, family.  I choose to surround myself with people who hold the same values that we do, that love us and care for us unconditionally.

When is enough, enough?  Is there an answer to that?  Because I am thinking that it is today for me.  I’ve been talking to Lucia about what true friends are, and how if people act certain ways, they aren’t really her friend and that she needs to protect herself and her heart and look for those friends who will be there through thick and thin.  Honesty is one thing.  Hurtfullness on purpose is a whole other thing.  I guess I need to take some of that advice for myself in this instance and protect myself and my heart. 

I responded to this last straw (which was minor one compared to previous ones) in anger.  I am sorry for that.  But I am angry and hurt and sad and confused.  I am not a bad person and I don’t know why it is thought that I am.  Why it is that things we do to be nice are twisted around.   What I said in my response was truthful.  But sometimes the truth hurts.  However, it is done.  I’ve said my peace.  I will be the bigger person and will do the best for my family always. 

But do not cross me.  Anymore.  Because I’ve reached enough and will no longer be on the receiving end.