This self-made-rut / feeling-down-and-blue space I find myself in, that is... I mentioned it before, and I am just in an odd place right now. Let me be clear - I have a great job that I love (in fact, I only had my first bad day this week after a full year here which is amazing!), a wonderful support network, an amazing family... I know that in the grand scheme of things I don't have much to worry about at all. If I never lose another pound, I am still successful... BUT... I am in a funk. A few years ago, pre-band, I found myself really struggling with sleep and feeling very depressed, and so, I got some help. I'm not back there, but it is in the back of my head to "watch". The help worked, and I was able to get myself recentered successfully... Usually I get into a funk like this once or twice a year, and it lasts for a few days, and I can bounce out, but for whatever reason this one is hanging around a bit longer. Like a little black rain cloud over my head. Blah. I'm just darn grumpy. So, I'm giving myself a few more days to move beyond it and get recentered...
It is a lot of little stuff... I feel like my house (only a few rooms, but still) is turning into a "hoarders" episode. OK, it really isn't that bad, but I need to get crap put away and given away to goodwill! I just need a mental health day... When I lose my sense of feeling organized, things seem to build up and feel that much worse, and that is where I am right now - feeling very unorganized. So my task for this weekend is to continue purging... I also am at a bit of a cross-road with church... when I stopped working at my church, we also took some time off from there because I was too close... but the thing is, we haven't gone back. And no one has bothered to call and see where we are either. I am kind of hurt... I know I need to find a new church - I am really missing it, and need to fill that hole... but the thought of "church shopping" and having to build new relationships, etc... is just a bit overwhelming. Ugh! A lot of stuff rattling around up in my head, plus a lot of thoughts about my lack of weight loss are up there. I need to figure out how to recenter. It'll come... I view going back to school as my "new year" - the time to begin the consistent schedules again, start "fresh"... and so I am glad that we are almost there to Fall... to restarting, starting fresh, pressing the "re-set" button... whatever. It's time.
This self-made-rut / feeling-down-and-blue space I find myself in, that is... I mentioned it before, and I am just in an odd place right now. Let me be clear - I have a great job that I love (in fact, I only had my first bad day this week after a full year here which is amazing!), a wonderful support network, an amazing family... I know that in the grand scheme of things I don't have much to worry about at all. If I never lose another pound, I am still successful... BUT... I am in a funk. A few years ago, pre-band, I found myself really struggling with sleep and feeling very depressed, and so, I got some help. I'm not back there, but it is in the back of my head to "watch". The help worked, and I was able to get myself recentered successfully... Usually I get into a funk like this once or twice a year, and it lasts for a few days, and I can bounce out, but for whatever reason this one is hanging around a bit longer. Like a little black rain cloud over my head. Blah. I'm just darn grumpy. So, I'm giving myself a few more days to move beyond it and get recentered...
It is a lot of little stuff... I feel like my house (only a few rooms, but still) is turning into a "hoarders" episode. OK, it really isn't that bad, but I need to get crap put away and given away to goodwill! I just need a mental health day... When I lose my sense of feeling organized, things seem to build up and feel that much worse, and that is where I am right now - feeling very unorganized. So my task for this weekend is to continue purging... I also am at a bit of a cross-road with church... when I stopped working at my church, we also took some time off from there because I was too close... but the thing is, we haven't gone back. And no one has bothered to call and see where we are either. I am kind of hurt... I know I need to find a new church - I am really missing it, and need to fill that hole... but the thought of "church shopping" and having to build new relationships, etc... is just a bit overwhelming. Ugh! A lot of stuff rattling around up in my head, plus a lot of thoughts about my lack of weight loss are up there. I need to figure out how to recenter. It'll come... I view going back to school as my "new year" - the time to begin the consistent schedules again, start "fresh"... and so I am glad that we are almost there to Fall... to restarting, starting fresh, pressing the "re-set" button... whatever. It's time.
14 comments:
It sounds like we have similar personalities! I start to feel really overwhelmed if my house isn't organized either. It does loads for my mental health to clean. Haha!
As for church shopping, I know how that goes. When my husband and I left ministry at the end of 2008, it was so hard to get back in church because we were so hurt. But at the end of the day, we knew we needed that community. Not only should we go for our personal growth, but we should go so we can mentor and disciple others. So it's been a struggle that we're still fighting, but I wish you success in your church finding! :)
I know exactly how you feel. In fact, I have been having REAL problems stemming from a car accident and it makes me slap my forehead and hate myself for having a down time when nothing was going wrong. Go figure.
Hope you find your way out soon.
I am so sorry you are feeling blue. It is good that you have a little part of your mind that is watching out for you, making sure that this little funk doesn't rebound into something more serious.
I think that you would feel much better if you did do a little "church shopping". It seems that this was a very important part of your life and now it has been missing for a little while. Building new relationships can be fun, plus it would fit right in with your whole "Fresh Start" look out.
As far as the organization issues, I know how you feel. I hope that you are able to take an entire day or two to work on this. I am sure finding the time is easier said than done! Good luck! <3
I feel you on this one! If my surroundings are out of wack, so am I. I was married to a hoarder for a really long time and at the end of our marriage, I was so depressed and so angry, I didn't realize until about a year later that I get crazy when I don't have order in my life and my surroundings. I think you've done an amazing job with your weight loss and I'm sure once school starts you'll be back in the swing of things and all will be on track again. I wish there really was a reset button! I'm looking forward to meeting you in Chicago!
I bet your funk is pretty well deserved. If you think about it, all of us have been through HUGE changes over the last year and a bit. We're all trying to find a new normal. I know I am!
Sounds like a little patience and maybe a day off just to yourself, no daughter, no hubbie, so you can sort through some of the clutter, hang out and maybe get a minute to yourself to see just how far you've come ;-)
Here's to fresh starts! We will get through this.
Mental health days can be the bestest thing ever. I hope you get to take one, soon. I can't live without an occasional one, nor organization. It's a never ending battle, though, that's for sure.
You are right, at least you are aware. That seems tremendously important to me.
(((((hugs)))))
Hey cupcake...just saying a little prayer that your gray skies start clearing up soon.
Keep your chin up darlin, and just remember that this too shall pass. Don't be afraid to ask your doc for some help from modern medicine. All the women in my family get medicinal help with depression, and I held out because I didn't want it because of all sorts of reasons. Silly me. I started asking around, and found that all of my close friends had received the same medicinal help at different times in their lives. Just wanted to drop that info as an option for you. Personally, the blue skies seem so much bluer when there is an occasional grey cloud. It's part of life.
Awww babycakes - it looks like we are having a shitastic day together...at least I'm not alone....I love you Sarah and this isn't like you. Please be careful and watch yourself closely as depression can creep up fast. I worry and only want the best for you. I'll miss you when I'm on vacay - please take care of you.
All I can do is send hugs your way and hope you can put your funk behind you soon.
{{{HUGS}}}
I'm sorry you're in a funk, Sarah. I hope you find your center again soon. XOXO
Hi Sarah,
I am responding on your blog to your question about my work. I work for a recently acquired company by HP! I am a Security Solutions Architect... Funny I used to just be a SE! My subsidiary is TippingPoint, your husband will probably know the name. Funny to go from a company of 2000 to a company of 310,000! I am a little speck of nothing in the big machine that is HP. But all is good. I work for the Federal Sales Team and am in your neck of the woods most weeks.
I am enjoying "meeting" or really just being a voyeur into all these great people's lives. I still feel self conscious sometimes with my blogs, but have gotten so much great support and insight to this journey from those like yourself. Thanks for your note.
Have a great night.
Ames
I, too, have been putting off "church shopping" for some time. It seems to take a lot of effort to find one that fits my personality and isn't too fire and brimstony. I think it would probably do us both good to get back to it. As for feeling blue, keep that feeling monitored and get help if need be. We all go through periods like that but if it starts feeling too familiar, don't be afraid to reach out.
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