PS... it's been an emotional roller-coaster of a 4 weeks...

So I haven't blogged with much substance in a while.  And while this has a lot of substance to me, it doesn't have a lot of detail for a variety of reasons... bear with me.

A lot has been going on personally these last 4 weeks or so, and I haven't been able to / wanted to / had the courage or energy to share it on the blog, but I know I need to...  And given the events over the last few weeks (and especially since Monday), I'm truly glad that I have God in my life and I have faith, as mine has been shaken quite a bit these last few days.  I'm not quite ready to lay it all out on the line right now, but suffice it to say that sometimes things happen in your life that, while you understand at an intellectual level, absolutely tear your heart apart.  And while you know it isn't your fault, you still question and blame yourself.  We had one of those things happen earlier this week.  I'm okay physically.  Emotionally I'm a bit more fragile.  D & L are okay too - just dealing with it in their own ways...  The good news is that I found waking up this morning a tad bit easier than yesterday, and hope that feeling continues.

On top of that, there is some other stuff happening that is very, very hurtful, especially to someone I love more than life itself.  No one side is right or wrong, but the way it has been handled is painful.  And I find myself somewhat self-censoring because I don't want my personal blog to become a reason for yet more anger and accusations.  And yet I don't care anymore, because I also find myself tired of censoring.  This is MY blog.  MY outlet.  I invite people in but I shouldn't need to feel like I have to censor.  I'm tired of people who are supposed to love one another not bothering to find out an entire story before placing blame.  I'm tired of walking on egg shells.  I'm tired of taking sides.  I'm tired of dreading what is going to happen.  I'm tired of seeing people I love not treated as well as I wish they would be.  I'm tired of seeing people I love not have the self-confidence they deserve because of this treatment.  I'm tired of trying to be the "good" one and not make waves, because I feel like no matter how hard I try I am wrong.  And I have to remind myself that on the flip side of the coin, we have lots of people that love us unconditionally, that are there supporting us and rooting us on, that see more possibilities in us than we see in ourselves.

What I need and want right now is to keep my family safe and happy and healthy.  So, I'm going to try to do it however I can. I will keep on putting one foot in front of the other, remembering that although this is one of life's storms, I will make it through.  There will be plenty of sunny days ahead and a few stormy ones too, but right now it is about being safe and with the people who make me feel good, happy, whole, loved and safe.

On the band front, I have a call into my doctor to see if I can get re-filled soon.  I need to get myself back into my old routine again. 

So that is where I'm at.   And this weekend, I picked up a little sign in a shop that says "When life becomes too hard to stand, Kneel."  How incredibly true.  I guess it was there for me to get for a reason.

~*~*~

PS...  Thanks.  For everything.