I mentioned in my last post that I'm on bed rest... 6 weeks and 3 1/2 more days of it tops... Not that I'm counting or anything! It's interesting, this whole "rest" thing. I don't do it well. The first day I was finally feeling good enough to be downstairs, I started making my list of all the things that I can do from the couch, because I should be doing SOMETHING, right?!?!? (What am I thinking???)... I will give myself credit though, I (as much as possible) have been taking it easy and following doctor's orders. Trust me - between Dennis, my mom and my (wonderful) friends fussing at me, I know better than to push it!
Sit/Laying on the couch or in bed. Actually going upstairs to take a nap at 10:30 because I'm tired. Letting Mom cook dinner EVERY night...and she has a cold and isn't feeling great herself. But boy, it is hard to let go of the control! And to let others help me. I am so type-A, that even the smallest things that are out of "routine" for me cause me to shudder... but, each day it's gotten a bit easier. Thankfully, my Mom is here and able to help out as long and as much as we need it. What a great gift! So, I am trying to make each day count and focus on my "new" (for the next 6 weeks) job, as a nurse reminded me, which is to make sure I stay quiet so that baby boy cooks as long as possible.
As for the letting people help, I want too. I really do, because I know how much I want to help people when they need it. But it is hard to be on the receiving end and just accept what is being offered, and know there is no expectation or need to pay it back. Because some day, I will be able to pay it forward - either to them, or someone else. I thankfully have most of what I need, and have definitely have asked and continue to ask for prayers... Here is my struggle - I somehow think I don't deserve the help - there are so many people out there who really NEED help. I'm just inconvenienced if that makes sense... but, I am trying really hard to let people help and to come up with ways when they ask. So, I said yes to someone bringing me lunch today, and it was delicious! And the 5 minutes of visiting was perfect. And I am saying yes to other little things where I can, and will continue to do so. Even though subconsciously I struggle with letting that "yes, you could help" or "yes, that would be wonderful" out of my mouth. Why is it that we try so hard to do it all ourselves???
Lucia has had a few hard weeks. Even before I went on bedrest, she was struggling with the whole concept of all of the sudden having to share us with a sibling. I wish I could do more for her, but maybe it is a good lesson... At least I am still at home and can still snuggle with her - I'd be devastated if I couldn't do that. She was having a really hard time over the weekend and blurted out "He's ruining everything! I don't want anything to change! I just want things to be like they used to be!" and my gut response to her was "I agree. Me too." I think I absolutely shocked her. And I felt guilty for admitting to feeling that way! Because while I know that he isn't ruining everything, he IS changing things. IN A BIG WAY! And I am hoping that the change we weren't ready to have happen BEFORE he arrives is actually going to help us after he arrives. I hope. I found this quote below, which kind of sums it all up... (remember the Wonder Years?):
“Change is never easy, you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.”
– The Wonder Years
5 comments:
I can SO relate to where you're coming from in this post. Receiving is something I'm not terribly good at. I too think that there are others who need it more than me, that I SHOULD be able to do for myself, and so on. I have to keep reminding myself, "You can't draw water from an empty well"... and that there are times we all need others to help replenish ourselves so that we can go on giving and sharing our unique talents.
I don't think I could do it. I am also a type-A control freak sort of person. I can't sit still. I can't just "be". I also can't let people help me very much. I feel stupid when people do things for me. And embarrassed.
I hope these weeks pass quickly! I know you and your family will adjust to the changes brought by the new addition. It won't always be easy.
Good luck - this is so so so darn hard for some of us. I have this very vivid memory of shortly after I had back surgery - I wasn't allowed to do much of anything for several weeks. It was during that time that a shelf just fell off the wall in my kitchen and some pottery that was on it shattered all over the kitchen floor. I stood there physically unable to bend and tried to figure out how I could clean that up before my three year old woke from his nap (My husband had taken our baby to the store while the toddler napped).
I planned and schemed how to get it cleaned up - totally worried that my little guy would wake up and then get cut and of course I couldn't pick him up or even get low enough to clean a possibly cut foot.
It took me a solid 15 minutes before I finally admitted defeat and called my neighbor to come and help me. She was a very very good friend of mine and was thrilled to help me and horrified that I'd been thinking of doing it myself. She laid it out for me in silly little detail - how would I feel if she'd called me in the same situation - and of course I'd be thrilled to come over and help her - thinking her silly for asking such a question.
It was that moment, more than any other in my life, that helped me learn to ask for help. Sometimes it's just what we need to do. I'm so sorry I took up all this space talking about me - but what you wrote brought that all back for me.
I wish you and the boy several more weeks of pregnancy and peace for Lucia. I'm confident once she meets and gets used to him, she's going to fall madly in love with him.
Bed Rest SUCKS. I was on modified bed rest too...well, as much as possible...8-10 hours a day for the last few weeks..it sucks. Just watching stuff pile up drove me INSANE. But it was well worth it...now that the lil guy is here, I realize that he needed to be in my belly longer...even though I was miserable and wanted him OUT.
Kali, my 7 year old, was/is the same way with her lil brother coming. She is having a hard time adjusting, the crying and waking and the constant attention to the baby is hard on her...but explaining to her how much the baby needs, and that he can't do anything for himself and having her help (grab momma diapers, wipes, a new onesie, a binky...ect) has helped a little bit. She is being so good at school, but she has been sucking at home...the jealousy has come out..but it was expected...she was the only one for 7 years!!!
I wish you all the best, and it seems that you have an AMAZING support system at home. :) Snuggle with lil mama as much as you can... =)
I agree, it is hard to say yes to help, I think in a sense we are afraid by saying yes to help that we are admitting that we can't do some things, and for me that is hard. When I had my youngest Aimee, Ashley was almost 7...so she went thru what your daughter is going thru. But once she held her little sister for the first time, it changed. Once she saw she was able to be "Mommy's helper" she was ok with having a younger sister. Spend time telling her how much you will depend on her, and tell her ways she can help you...and soon she will have a different perspective and outlook. Things will work out. Keep your feet up, your chin up and enjoy the relaxation. Prayers and hugs to you.
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